I usually have a rule about the homosexuals in the building. To avoid uncomfortable elevator rides and the like. Oh well, this will teach me.
Don’t shit where you eat! Don’t fuck who you work with!
I met this one guy (we’ll call him Colour Tattoos) at a think tank for gay employees on why morale for gay employees was so low and how it could be improved. The attending gays gave us the spectrum from masculine and understated to the one guy who has worn high heels into the office on a pride day.
The question was ‘Are you out to your team and are they supportive?’ This one big camp guy who reminded me very much of Cam from Modern Family, not to stereotype, but quite obviously gay; pipes up with ‘I’ve never come out to my team, I don’t think they know I’m gay’. Thats how Colour Tattoos and I met. Both of us had been looking around the room at everyone else reaction to that statement, our eyes locked and this silent communication of ‘GURL, really?’ took place.
Colour Tattoos and I spent the rest of the meeting making eyes whenever something ridiculous was said (which was often). One guy claimed that he couldn’t be his true self at work unless he was allowed to wear shorts ‘Boy shut up, we work in a professional environment, wear pants’. The meeting was over and we realised we had some mutual friends so he would join us for drinks that afternoon, as was our Friday usual.
Drinks was a kick on event that Friday, which for me eventually kicked on to Colour Tattoo’s bedroom. We connected really quickly because we had very similar senses of humour and the next 3 months was filled with a lot of sex. One problem, Colour Tattoos was just out of a 6 year relationship and I had fallen hard.
I should have pulled back and guarded myself the night he was crying on my chest about how dysfunctional his 6 year relationship was. I should have realised he was screaming EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. But the sex was amazing and I loved eating his ass, we connected so early that I was in too deep. I wanted a boyfriend and he was just filling the emotional void with my dick.
3 months in I had to ask, I had to know if I was wasting my time. He said he liked me and if he was in a different place it would be different, he just wasn’t in a place were he wanted a boyfriend. But he kept talking, he kept messaging and telling me about his day. MIXEd SIGNALS anyone? What finally killed it was that I found out he had lied about hooking up with one of my friends (I should clarify that I wasn’t upset that he had hooked up with this person, it was that he had specifically said ‘I have never hooked up with _______’).
So Colour Tattoos and I were over, but that’s where the working for the same company comes back to bite me in the ass. there’s a monthly teleconference where I have to listen to his stupid voice. There’s the occasional email that gets sent and I have to see his stupid face.
But recently I came across this picture from a morning tea for the postal survey announcement and Colour Tattoos had the biggest sweat patches, forever displayed on company intranet. I’m not petty but I hate his stupid face a little less now.